Dreams
by OnigiriChicka
Summary: A CCS account of my & my friends problems, what we had done, what we wished we had done, etc, and dreams i have had about this subject. WARNING: not a happy story. not at all. if you're in the mood for a squishy love story, read my other story, not this


Ohayo!! Here I am with a new story! A-U. This is a series of one-shots and will not be as happy as the others, I am making this series from experiences, friends experiences, what I or a friend wish we had done in these experiences (as opposed to what we did), Dreams, Etc. altered a bit to fit CCS, and to not be quite as depressing, and finally to make a good story. But they are not altered too much. So again, it may not (okay, won't) be as upbeat as the others. But it should theoretically still be good, so enjoy, but expect sadness. This one is called 'The Beginning' and is all the real story, altered to fit CCS. It is written in Sakura's pov. In fact, they are all from Sakura's pov unless I say otherwise. (Si-chan, you will know some of these. The rest are exactly what you think they are.) Some of them will be linked. This is the source of most of the stories, so if you don't get something refer back to this one unless I say otherwise. It is SXS as always, there may be some implied TXE in there, but you know. Sakura and Tomoyo are 13, Syaoran is 14, and Toya is 17

PS: I know some of you like proper paragraphs, but it is a chat screen, you don't write things in paragraphs, so bear with me.

**KEY:**

(AN: blah blah)- authors note

Blah blah -actions

_its flash back between when it says flashback mode and end flashback mode._

_Blah blah- _lyrics

_**Thoughts**_

**Chats Key:**

Italics: normal chat

**Bold: names**

Normal: emphasis

On with the show!

-----------------------------

I woke up Thursday morning feeling awful. It took me a while to remember why. When I saw the calendar and remembered, I felt like bursting into tears all over again. The Day after Valentines Day. I get up and walk over to my computer and open my email. I go down to the email I received last night. Well, I suppose I should go back to Monday for this to make sense…

_Flashback Mode!!! _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Sakuuuuu!!_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: Hiya Tomoyo. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: so, what's up?_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: not much. The usual…_

_**SingSong221**__ says: sigh Saku… you can't obsess over him forever. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: says you… don't even know what happened entirely. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: well, you could change that…_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I could…_

_**SingSong221**__ says: well???_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: sigh fine._

_**SingSong221**__ says: Yayyyyy!_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: giggles okay, here goes. Don't interrupt; I don't know if I could finish if I get sidetracked. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Kk!_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: Okay, here goes._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: so his mom sends out this email saying that they can't make it to the annual school campout, cause they are going to be out of the country. So they are going separate, and are inviting everybody else. K, so my dad emails her back and says that I can go. But, my brother won't let me go on a camping trip with a boy alone. (He was being stubborn and said that he wouldn't let me be alone with a boy for a whole weekend, even if his parents were going to be there. No matter how I tried to tell him that we probably wouldn't be alone, he didn't budge.) So I was signed up to be on a camping trip with my brother, and the guy I liked. How awkward… anyway, so when the day before we are supposed to leave comes, my dad tells me he has to go to work early the neat day, so he can't get us to his house. So we are spending the night. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Ooh! That's not good…_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: Tomoyo… . _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Sorry!_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: So, that night my brother and I go over to his house as it's getting dark. As we get closer too his house I start to get depressed. I guess cuz I know (theoretically.) that he doesn't like me back. So when we get there I have convinced myself of this, and I am really depressed, but that doesn't stop my heart from pounding or myself from getting lightheaded when I see him. (Guess that's what love does, huh?) So we have to go to the store, and I guess my brother doesn't think anything will happen in the store, so he stays behind to play video games. Well, really he was right. I followed him and one of his older sisters around the store, giving my advice on the supplies we were buying to make sushi. Aaaaanyway. (I'll skip to the part where something happens…) _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: so Waaaaaaay Later, like, midnight? My bro is asleep on the floor, I get the couch, and him and my bro share the floor. So, I am telling him this story my dad told me of when my brother was my age_, (AN: woot! Flashback flashback mode! XD sorry… ;;)_ The story was this. So, I convinced Toya and my friend Chloe, (who was Toya's age.) to play hide and seek. I was littler. . Anyway… so I was seeking. And they were hiding. But wherever Chloe tried to hide, Toya would follow her everywhere. Eventually she gave up and hid somewhere. I never found out where. But (as she told me later,) he got all nervous and quietly asked her 'is it Ok if I like you?' and she was like 'uhh… I suppose…' cuz I mean, what was she supposed to say? No? How would that help? Anyway, so he kissed her on the cheek. And she flipped! She yelped and bolted for the house before I could figure out where she came from! Bolted into the house after her, and found her with the door barricaded in the bathroom scrubbing her face with all the face scrub stuff she could reach! I eventually got her to open the door and she told me this story._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: Anyway, after a while of random chatting there is one of those real awkward silences. Then he said, 'Is it Ok if I like you?' I was rather stunned. I couple of options floated into my head. One, is that, we had said that a couple of times before, and burst out laughing. But he said it a really different tone. And he was looking straight into my eyes. My eyes widened and I said the only word I could think of. 'Yes'. _

_SingSong221 says: KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: …_

_**SingSong221**__ says: sorry. Continue._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: thanks…_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I figured that would work either way. Just in case it didn't mean what I thought it meant. But apparently it did. He didn't reply, but leaned over and put his head on my shoulder. I turned bright red and lightly rested my cheek on top of his head. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I was getting really sleepy by then. It had to be nearly 2 am. I got tired of that precarious position eventually, and I said I needed o lay down. So I lay down with my feet in front of him. What I didn't expect, was that he was going to lay down right in front of me on the edge of the couch. He put his arm under me and draped the other over me. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I lay there on the couch, wide eyed, just staring up at him, as he (or so I thought) fell asleep. Eventually I closed my eyes to try to slow my heart down. And apparently he wasn't as asleep as I thought, and he must have thought I was asleep too, cuz he said 'you look cute when your sleeping.' And he took my hand with on e hand, and put his other around me. I think I smiled "in my sleep" and moved a little closer. But I still can't sleep despite it being 4, and really, really late in my book. (At the time midnight was late for me…). Eventually I fall asleep, and I wake up to him shaking me. I stir and ask quietly, 'what is it?' he said, 'its around 6 and my parents are waking up. We should get up and go to our proper sleeping places.' (Oh, we had switched when I got up to go to the bathroom (reluctantly) and I was on the outside) I said 'alright' and got up. He moved out and laid down right next to the couch. I laid back down on it, and he took my hand. I smiled and fell asleep again. We didn't get to sleep long, as his parents woke us up at 7. Well, rather they walked past in preparation for waking us, and he and I woke up. We then tried to wake my brother. But, he is a heavy sleeper. So we had a bit of trouble with that. We finally got him up by attempting to carry him out to the car. (We never would have made it. We just wanted to wake him up.) He freaked and spazzed, and fell on the floor. XD _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: so once the car is packed, we are loading into the car. Toya gets in the back, and I get into the middle seat. (My bro in the back of the van, sleeping, we are in the middle set of seats, and his parents are in the front) but, he doesn't get immediately in. he bends down to find something under the seat, apparently finds it, and stands back up. He then gives the seat a hard shove. His seat slides all the way over against mine. Then gets in the car .he grabs his long pillow from the backseat of the car, by my brother, and puts it under our heads, since we didn't get much sleep the night before. He gets in and, as the car leaves the driveway, untangles his headphones and, after plugging them into his MP3 player, hands me one. I grinned at his ploy to sit closer to me in the presence of his parents, and luckily for us they were fairly deep in conversation we just sat there and listened to music for a while, until we fell asleep. (Somewhere in the middle he handed me the Mp3 and I got to pick and choose songs. ) _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: after a while we stop in a small town and grab some breakfast. When we Finally get there around noon/one-ish, we bring all of our stuff in and Toya puts his stuff down on a bunk in one of the rooms, and we put ours down in the living room. Mine on the couch, and his on the futon thing near it. Toya sees this, and decides to move a mattress and sleep near us. We try to convince him otherwise, but with no luck. We grimace, and play a board game for something to do. After a while Toya gets bored and to distract him, is given the laptop._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: as he is playing solitaire, we, boredly, lay down next to him to watch. I lay with my feet up on the couch, and he lies just behind my head, propped up on his elbows. He absently strokes the side of my ear as we watch Toya play. After quite a while Toya gets bored and turns around and he quickly moves away. I couldn't, as to my position. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I'll pass time her, till night, as nothing remarkable really happens here… dinner… blah. So, nighttime._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: The table we played games on is moved off to the side, the futon is pushed up next to the couch, Toya's bed being up against the wall near the lamp, because, secretly, Toya was afraid of the dark, so he was also given a flashlight, which he annoyed us with until he fell asleep. When Toya fell asleep, he put his long pillow under my head, so we were both laying on it, and I, enjoying the comfortableness and smell of his pillow, fell asleep holding his hand, with a smile on my face. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Oh Emm Gee!!_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: what???_

_**SingSong221**__ says: I pronounced it with spellings. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: uh-huh… anyway…_

_**SingSong221**__ says: yah, sorry._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: So, the next day progressed rather un-remarkably, as his parents were around, we went swimming, _(AN: Saku can't swim in this story.) _as always I was too chicken to just hop in, granted it was really deep, but I should have just gotten in when he offered to help. . Anyway, eventually we had to get back into the car to leave, but we had been in the swimming pool, and in order to make it back in time for our club meeting we had to leave then, and we didn't have time to change, so we put on regular clothes over our bathing suits and got in the car all wet. We make it back in time and the meeting passes without any hassle. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: the next time we see each other is a week later, at the last meeting of the year, he was leaving for summer vacation. We were going swimming, then to pizza nearby. During the meeting we had to act as though nothing had happened, but it just so happened he was giving us a ride there, so I assumed that the ride back would be the same. When we were leaving, I was told by Naoko that she would be giving us a ride back, as it was on the way, so I was quite flustered, I had kind of depended on that ride. You know, without so many people around. In my flustered-ness I didn't see him come up behind me, and when he grabbed me in a hug I freaked, as I didn't know it was him. I turned around, and my mouth went to an O as I saw him, I apologized quickly, and, when I heard Naoko call my name I touched his hand, and with a last lingering look I left._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: we didn't get a chance to se each other again before he left, but we did have long email conversations, involving anything and everything we could think of. I had recently received a chain letter from Chiharu, which was a quiz about yourself. I sent him this, and there was one question on it that said 'who are the most important people in your life?" and of course, I put his name on it. I sent the quiz to others in a separate mail with his name removed, as it was a secret. But there was one mal I received from his that went like this: (AN: I don't remember the exact words, but I can get close) did you have fun camping this weekend? I know I did. Who knows what will happen next time we see each other alone? Insert rose smiley insert kissing smiley insert blushing smiley insert smiling smiley _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I replied something like this: you bet I did! Maybe. Insert blushing smiley_

_**SingSong221**__ says: Oh My God._

_**SingSong221**__ says: __**KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: ;; blushes_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: aaaaaaaanyways_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: well, there were more emails, but I won't go through them all. Now, even though he had said he would keep in touch while he was gone, throughout the whole summer I didn't get a single email or call or anything. I attributed it to something like, his forgetting the laptop power cable or something. I didn't care. Well, I cared a little, but I let it be, just waiting for when he would return. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: at the next meeting, when I was going to see him again, (the meeting I met you at actually) I was soooo excited,but when we were swimming he didn't show up for a long time, but when he did show, I was so happy, I felt about to burst, but he didn't seem to notice me much at all, well, not like anything had happened, it was like before when we were only friends, and I didn't know what to think about that. When we went to get pizza, we sat at this long table, and of course, there were two seats right next to each other, one was next to him, and one was next to Chiharu. I hovered there for a while, not sure where to sit, but my mind was made up for me, Naoko plopped down in the seat next to him. So, I sat down, and we ate. After the meeting he still didn't say anything, to show that he even _remembered_ what happened, he left, and I was just confused. I attributed it to the fact that we weren't alone, and his mom was there. I knew I was making excuses, but I was just glad to see him at all. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: but, it was too good, this went on for somewhere between 6 months to a year, and I kept pushing the little traitorous part of my brain away, even as it grew steadily bigger. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: But, I can't keep pushing it away. I know _something's_ up, and I need to know what, but I don't know how to find out. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: well, I think you should send him an email, and if he responds in-favorably, cuss him out and kick his ass, and if it is good news, well, there ya go. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I don't think I could…_

_**SingSong221**__ says: I think you could. But, I won't tell you to do anything. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: what if he doesn't respond at all?_

_**SingSong221**__ says: same as in-favorably, c uss him out and lick his ass. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: well, while I don't agree with you on the cussing and the ass-kicking, but I think I agree with you on the letter, but I don't think I ever could._

_**SingSong221 **__says: well, I think you should. _

End convo

days later still flashback

I sat there furiously typing away at my keyboard, stopping every once in a while to check what I had written, and usually deleting it. When I was finished, I gave it a final read-through and selected a design. My final product was an anonymous pre-valentines valentine to Syaoran. It had a cute valentines-oriented puppy background, and the note read like this: (AN: again, not exact words, the file I had saved all of the convos and such in was on the laptop that died, permanently. This letter I actually don't really remember at all. I lonely remember the others, so I made some relevant stuff up. )

To: Syaoran

I can't tell you who I am, I don't have the courage for that yet, but I hope you can guess. I have told you I like you before, but I want you to know that I still really like you. And I need to know how you feel about me. I don't know what the point of confessing is if I can't tell you who I am, but I guess it is easier, and I really hope you can figure it out. I don't know how many people have confessed their love to you, and are competent enough with the internet to find an anonymous valentines email, which was nearly impossible by the way.

Sorry I can't tell you more, but I am a chicken,

With love, anonymous.

I shivered, and hit send, grimacing at how much of a chicken I was. I then opened up a chat window to Tomoyo with this message.

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I did it._

_**SingSong221**__ says: did what?_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I sent him the letter._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: even if it was anonymous._

_**SingSong221**__ says: Kawaii!_

_**SingSong221 **__says: chicken_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I know, I know. I already chided myself, but I just couldn't put my name on it. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: yeah, I bet. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: well, at least you tried. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: yeah._

End Convo

Several days later, on valentines day, I found myself typing away at another letter. I must have worked on it for an hour or two when I finally hit on an acceptable one. It read like this:

To: Syaoran

Hi, its me again, after a convincing conversation with Tomoyo about my being a chicken, I finally got up the courage to write this. She said that if you responded poorly or not at all, I should kick your ass and forget about you, move on. And if you responded well, that's great. I get my fairytale. So, here I go. When you went to England for the summer, I was pretty much ok, I waited for you, and you didn't respond to my emails, you had promised. So that triggered my mind wondering, but I shook it off, thinking, No, he wouldn't do that, he probably forgot his charger r something. but when you came back and pretended like the campout had never happened, and barely spoke to me, a whole bunch of possibilities came into my mind about why, none of them pleasant, most of them heartbreaking honestly. One was that you didn't know if I still liked you, or maybe it was that you didn't like me anymore, or you liked me and couldn't tell me for some reason. There were more, each more irrational than the last, but yeah. Toya found out, or remembered, or something, and he told Yamazaki. Now I am being teased and made fun of for liking you, and everything that happened. I don't even know if he knows facts, so I may be suffering for a non-existent relationship and false facts. I need to know if that is for nothing. I want to know the truth, pretty or not.

Well, that's about all I can think of to say for now, so thanks for reading this, and, well, yeah.

Love

Sakura

With shaky fingers I hit send, and laid my faith in this email. I initiated a chat saying the following.

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I did it. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Did what?_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I confessed _with_ my name._

_**SingSong221**__ says: W00t! hooray for Sakura-chan! well, I'll talk to you until you get a response. Good or bad._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: sounds good to me _

Time lapse, boring convo.

I heard my email alert go off, and I clicked on my email screen, and my heart jumped up into my throat. Nervously I clicked on it, anxiously waiting for the screen to load his reply.

Sakura,

I'm sorry, really. I did like you, but being away for the summer, well, I just... you get my point, right? I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I was hoping if I never said anything you would just move on. I dunno, I guess it was kinda chicken of me. But I was hoping you would move on. So, yeah. Bye.

Syaoran

I felt my heart break right then and there, now knowing the feeling of the sayings about love and heart break, and fully getting the name heartbreak. I nearly broke down, and hit the forward button and typing in Tomoyo's name quickly.

A minute later I got a chat, and with tears threatening I opened it.

_**SingSong221**__ says: Oh god... Saku..._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: yeah... what do I say?_

_**SingSong221**__ says: well, how do you feel?_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: well, at least I know now, right?_

_**SingSong221**__ says: then tell him that... are you ok?_

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: not really. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Well, I'm here._

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: yeah... thanks..._

I fired off the short, pathetic reply of:

To: Syaoran

Well... at least now I know. Umm... thanks for telling me." And returned to my chat.

From: Sakura

_**CherryBlossom43**__ says: I told him. I... I think I'm going to go cry now. _

_**SingSong221**__ says: Go cry Saku-chan. Go cry. _

_**CherryBlossom43**__ has logged off._

I went to my bed, popped in a DVD, grabbed the sole valentines present I got, from my dad, and turned the volume up. As I watched the movie, trying to get absorbed, I sat the entire time trying to cry, or do something, but could only sit and mope, with tears threatening, but they wouldn't come.

I woke up and looked around, wondering why the tv was on, and empty box of chocolates next to me, and catch sight of the calendar near my bed, and I feel all the pain of last night, and hat I had hoped was a dream, rush back to me.


End file.
